ANDY HARRIS' HEAD EXPLODED . . . HE'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT

(Dissociated Press) On May 16, Representative Andy Harris was meeting with a group of constituents when he was asked, 

"Can you comment on Newt Gingrich's statement on Meet the Press two days ago, that: the GOP medicare plan you voted for is "right-wing social engineering?"

Instead of answering the question, Andy Harris ran out into the parking lot where his head exploded.

Thanks to Harris' limousine health care plan, he's gonna be just fine.    

SOURCE: NBC: MEET THE PRESS

Gingrich: Paul Ryan' s plan is 'right-wing social engineering,' goes too far

[. . .]  

Gingrich distanced himself from the plan proposed by Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wis.) to turn Medicare into a voucher system: "I think that that is too big a jump." He called the plan "right-wing social engineering," which he considers not "any more desirable than left-wing social engineering."

http://view.ed4.net/v/HXJVEI/L2UEX/XTDUTF5/DY36T2/MAILACTION=1&FORMAT=H
Hosted Email

END

HARRIS: 'I ENJOY VOTING AGANST THE CONSTITUTION'

(Dissociated Press) Andy Harris tweeted the other day: 'I enjoy voting against the Constitution and do so every chance I get.'




This was in response to the comment of another GOP freshman, Justin Amash, R Michigan (age 31), who posted on Facebook that he did not vote to defund Planned Parenthood (HR 1): 

“Legislation that names a specific private organization to defund (rather than all organizations that engage in a particular activity) is improper and arguably unconstitutional.”

SOURCE:
Amash Explains Votes on Facebook : Roll Call Around the Hill

END

HARRIS: 'NATIONAL DEBT IS JUST LIKE CREDIT CARD DEBT'

(Dissociated Press) K Street lobby-types were overheard discussing Andy Harris the other day over lunch.


"Can you believe Andy Harris said that in public?"


"What?"


"He told some of his constituents last week that the national debt is like the credit card debt of one of his kids, that if his kid ran up a big plastic debt, he just wouldn't pay it."


"He said that?"


"Words to that effect. Just would not pay it."


"That's gonna cost him. Those banks put a lot of cash into the righties in Congress. Plus, how stupid to make that analogy."


"The credit card analogy is the right one, since you gotta pay the debt you have already run up. Just like the federal government has to pay the obligations it has already run up. " 


"Raising the debt ceiling means that Congress agrees that the federal government will pay what is has borrowed to keep going."


"And it has run up that debt with lots of GOP votes."


"You know that and I know that. Maybe Andy doesn't know that."


"Maybe he thinks a vote against raising the debt ceiling is a vote to cut something or other."


"Naw. He knows better . .  . Andy just hopes the people in Maryland's first district don't know any better." 


"Like that bogus campaign slogan says, " 'WHY GOVERN WHEN YOU CAN POSTURE?' " (See Blog title, above.)

END

HARRIS: SEND WOMEN TO GITMO FOR MILITARY TRIALS

(Dissociated Press) In a speech on the House floor yesterday, Andy Harris volunteered the First District of Maryland for a GOP pilot project - outlaw poor women. 


"We have had to retreat from gutting middle class Medicare (See Source, below) but not poor people's Medicaid," Harris said, "so my proposal is both logical and doable." 


"We want to balance the budget by reducing services, right? So let's eliminate poverty by making it illegal to seek services without paying full freight."


"The poor are not real Americans or they would not be poor."


"Any poor woman who needs medical care is the same as a Commie, to me."


"Since we cannot get ride of the programs, let's eliminate the people causing the problem. Just make them illegal, turn them into criminals." 


"I propose we empower the sheriff to round up all of the women who receive services at the two Planned Parenthood clinics in my district, in Easton and Salisbury, and send these women to Guantanamo for trial. I hear there is room there." 




Source: progress@americanprogressaction.org
"On Thursday, House Ways and Means Committee Chairman Rep. Dave Camp (R-MI) told reporters that he was not planning on holding any hearings about Ryan's proposal. "I'm not really interested in just laying down more markers," said Camp, acknowledging that Ryan's plan to give "premium support" vouchers to future Medicare retirees was a non-starter.  (see also http:// /2011/05/05/health-care-repeal-dead-republican_n_858015.html?view=print )

END

ANDY HARRIS' STORY TIME: 'Rape is just a word'

(Dissociated Press) Prior to returning to Congress this week, Andy Harris attended a story-time-for-kids at a library in his district.


Sitting cross-legged on the floor, surrounded by tots, their congressman, to the confusion of his diminutive listeners, read excerpts from Pope's "The Rape of the Lock" 

The Rape of the Lock

Some Nymphs there are, too conscious of their Face,
For Life predestin'd to the Gnomes Embrace.

These swell their Prospects and exalt their Pride,
When Offers are disdain'd, and Love deny'd.

Teach Infants Cheeks a bidden Blush to know,
And little Hearts to flutter at a Beau.

. . .

BUT anxious Cares the pensive Nymph opprest,
And secret Passions labour'd in her Breast.
Not youthful Kings in Battel seiz'd alive,
Not scornful Virgins who their Charms survive,

. . .

E'er felt such Rage, Resentment and Despair,
As Thou, sad Virgin! for thy ravish'd Hair.


After the reading, Harris added,


"You see kids, rape is not all that bad. Here it is right in the title of a sort'a famous poem."


"There are lots of things worse than being raped . . . like being a 'scornful virgin' or getting a hair cut."


"I am headed back to Washington to support the House Judiciary Committee, which has just issued a report about H.R 3 - our No Taxpayer Funding for Abortion Act. 


"We passed that bill kids, and it re-defines 'rape' which is, after all, just a rough kind of conception, God's will, in other words."


Now, there was such a furor when I voted to redefine rape, we had to take the literal language out of the bill that says forcible rape is OK."


"So, the bill we passed, kids, does not actually say that it is OK to rape a girl or a woman, but the Judiciary Committee report says so."

"The Report will be a big help if some lame-o judge thinks rape is a bad thing." 


"Now, thanks to the Judiciary Committee Report, a lawyer can go right into court, kiddies, and show a meddlesome judge what we like to call legislative intent." 


The intent of our bill is, like the Report says, "not allow the Federal Government to subsidize abortions in cases of statutory rape."


"Clever, no?"


"We removed the forcible-rape-is-OK language from the bill we voted on but are using the committee report to say that the bill does not permit Medicaid funds to be used for abortions in cases of statutory rape."  


"Here's another quickie for you, children, which is about a little child, just like you."


"Once upon a time in Florida, a man was sent to prison for life after sexually abusing a little nine-year-old girl for two years." 


"She did not get pregnant, kids, but you know what? If she had, that would have been just fine with me."


"In fact, I insist that the law of the land says that rape in this case is OK. So, if that little bitty girl had been poor and had gotten pregnant for being a "scornful virgin" she would not have been able to get an abortion paid for by Medicaid."


"So, kiddies, no matter how young you are, we have our eye on you, you little mommies, you!"


"Gotta go."












Source:

They're Forcing "Forcible" Rape On Us Again | National Women's Law Center

END

HARRIS: IF OBAMA GOT OSAMA, WHERE IS THE DEATH CERTIFICATE?

(DISSOCIATED PRESS) Representative Andy Harris scurried over to the White House this evening and held an impromptu news conference, in the midst of President Obama's announcement, that the US military and counter-terrorism operatives had killed Osama Bin Laden.


"If Obama got Osama," Harris declared, "Where is the death certificate?"


"Until I place my fingers on the long form and my hands on that funky scarf he wears, I will not believe," Harris shouted.

END

HARRIS TO SEEK A REST CURE, NOT RETURN TO CONGRESS

(Dissociated Press) At one final, unannounced "town hall" event yesterday, Congressman Andy Harris burst into fits of uncontrollable laughter and was escorted away from the forum. Today, Harris is said to be "in seclusion."


"He's gonna need a rest cure, for sure, for sure" said a worried staffer, adding, "For sure."


The medical prob came to light when the Congressman was made to listen to complaints about his vote to end Medicare.


One speaker after another asked Harris to explain his vote. The Congressman stood in silence at first and then began to chuckle, and soon was laughing uncontrollably.


Here is a blow-by-blow:


Constituent #1: "The Ryan Budget that you voted for will no longer insure seniors' health needs directly as with Medicare. Instead seniors will get a voucher they can only use to buy private insurance. But the vouchers are designed so their value will not rise with the cost of medicine, prescription drugs and doctor visits. Why did you vote for that?"


Harris: Begins to grin, says nothing.


Constituent #2: "With the vouchers, seniors will have to spend more out of pocket, or else go without health care. How will seniors on fixed incomes manage under your system - go without food? Stop paying rent? Or just not see the doctor?" 


Harris: Grins broadly, but says nothing.


Constituent #3: "The Congressional Budget Office says private insurance companies are not as efficient as Medicare at curbing costs. (See Source 2, below) That means the Ryan plan will increase the cost of health care. Why did you vote for that?"


Harris: Laughs loudly, says nothing, and finally sits down, laughing without restraint.


Constituent #4: "The Ryan plan sends money to the states as block grants. So under Ryan, instead of having one uniform medical plan for seniors across the nation, there will be fifty different financing mechanisms. Why do you think that is preferable and cheaper than the Medicare we now have?" 


Harris: Begins to bray.


An aide shields Harris from the concerned and inquiring looks of his constituents. Meantime, Harris can still be heard laughing hysterically. At one point he falls to the floor and is helped to a sitting position by staffers.


An aide finally walks to the microphone while Harris can be heard guffawing backstage. 


The staffer announces that the event has ended and a voucher-doc has been called.


A staffer, speaking softly into a cell phone, inquires if the voucher-doc's insurance covers treatment for Kuru. (See Source, below.) 


The voucher-doc is heard to say, "That's not listed in the block grant." 


"Maybe your guy is just giggly." 


"If he's fee-for service, send him over. If not, we'll all have a good laugh."


(Source: Kuru "known among the Fore as the laughing sickness


due to the pathologic bursts of laughter people would display 


when afflicted . . . " Wikipedia)


(Source 2 - BOLD added: "The Congressional Budget Office, the nonpartisan arm of Congress,analyzed Ryan’s plan and estimated that by 2030, the government would pay just 32 percent of the health care costs, less than half of what the federal plan currently pays. The other 68 percent of the plan would have to be shouldered by the retiree. [The CBO estimated that if traditional Medicare stayed in place, the government would pay 70 to 75 percent of the costs.]

The CBO analysis also assumed that adding private insurance plans into the mix would raise administrative costs and would not keep medical inflation as low as traditional Medicare has done. 

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/fact-checker/post/gop-lawmakers-tout-medicare-reform-by-stretching-a-comparison-to-the-health-benefits-they-receive/2011/04/28/AFrRkM9E_blog.html 

END