HARRIS TO OPEN DANCE STUDIO IN DC or BOSTON

ANDY HARRIS HAS ANNOUNCED 

HE WILL OPEN A DANCE STUDIO IN 

DC OR BOSTON

MAYBE

(Dissociated Press) Speaking to a throng of supporter at the  Let's Dance, Hon studio in Ocean City, Andy Harris announced he is looking for a federal grant to fund a brand new dance studio he plans to open in Washington DC.


"We will focus on the two-step and also the waltz," Harris declared.


"I have learned so much in my first few weeks in Washington and I want to share what I know. And of course pocket some cash, too. Why not?"


' . . . two-step your way . . .'


"I found out you can two-step your way around here."


"Take the Ryan budget bill, which we passed in the House. That bill never had the slightest chance of passing the Senate, so I can two-step my own vote!  The tea party types appreciate that vote as a hostile gesture that trips up poor people." 


"Meanwhile, I can tell the reasonable people in the First District that my vote for Ryan was a throw-away vote 'cause the Senate would never buy it. Sweet!" 


' . . . waltz around Obamacare . . .'




"You can waltz around the facts," Harris added.


"Remember when the GOP was all hot to dump Obamacare? Well, them days is gone!"


"What did our leader, Speaker John Boehner say on ABC News last Sunday?"


"The Ryan budget 'transforms Medicare into a plan that's very similar to the President's own healthcare bill.' That is right from Boehner." (See Source, below.)


"What Boehner meant is that in the Ryan budget, we replace Medicare with private insurance."


"Seniors don't get health care coverage under the Ryan budget. Instead, seniors get to buy a private insurance plan that is partly subsidized by state block grants  - which we Republicans also used to hate but no more."


"When the state block grants run out, seniors will have to pay for their medical procedures and their prescriptions out of their retirement income."


"The plan the GOP sets up with the Ryan budget is way more expensive than Obama's plan - according to the Congressional Budget Office."


"And that's the waltz we do with Obama. The Affordable Care Act - Obamacare - applies exchanges, with no block grant mess, to the uninsured, so they get covered." Harris explained.


"The GOP does not believe in covering the uninsured, so the Ryan budget plan does not cover them."


"That's our two-step with Ryan. Do exchanges for the elderly, so they get less coverage and don't do exchanges for the uninsured so they get no coverage - at all."


"Thank goodness I and the rest of the GOPers in Congress get limousine medical coverage for ourselves." 


"We would never vote to give ourselves the insurance crap we give the public. Never."


"Since I do the dance, I may as well do a dance studio. I have learned to waltz and two-step health care, so I expect to qualify for a federal health care grant for my business model."


"If not in DC, I will go for a grant under the Romney plan in Massachusetts."


"Sweet!" 


   
Source: 

How the GOP stopped worrying and learned to love ObamaCare

Source: Washington Post, April 27 2011

Ezra Klein's wonkbook
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/ezra-klein/

END

HARRIS CONFIRMS 1957 DOB, APPEALS FOR CALM

(Dissociated Press) Andy Harris, who represents Maryland's First District in Congress voted for a bill that will deny Medicare benefits  to all of his constituents born after 1957. (See Source, below.)


Today Harris issued a statement confirming that he, himself, will qualify for Medicare, since he was born on January 25, 1957.

An informal survey of Ist District residents suggest there is a range of views among the voters.

"I doubt I will need Medicare, since my career plan is to win the lottery," said a fast food employee across the street from Harris' Bel Air office. 

"Harris voted to end Medicare for younger people but not older ones? Why did he do that? I was born in 1980. Why the age discrimination?" asked a women pushing  a stroller containing twins.

"Andy is a doctor, so I can see why he doesn't plan to need Medicare," said a man in a Salisbury, MD coffee shop. "But I haven't heard Andy Harris say he won't use the program, since he will be eligible - and I won't."

"What about the government's promises made to me when I first went to work?" asked a man standing in front of a Cockeysville, MD grocery. "I was born in 1960 and have been paying taxes for thirty-years. That sounds like a contract to me. Why would Harris want to take that back?" 

In his statement, Harris said:

"Consistent with my long standing policy of not taking responsibility for what I actually vote for, the bill we passed ignores the fact that life begins with conception."


"The pro-life bubies missed that one. I didn't."


"Everyone conceived in 1958 and born in 1959 ought to qualify. But if you were born in 1960 or later, you are S.O.O.L."


"I recommend they circulate a petition in Speaker Boehner's district and get this straightened out."

Source:

1. "House Passes Paul Ryan Budget Proposal in Partisan Vote," ABC News, April 15, 2011
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=207968&id=&id=27052-9342974-b2L5S4x&t=4

END

HARRIS CALLS FOR END TO HAWAI'I STATEHOOD

(Dissociated Press) March 11, 2011: On the House floor, Representative Coleen Hanabusa denounced as "reckless" proposed GOP cuts to federal emergency preparedness and response. 


With that, Maryland Congressman Andy Harris was out of his seat, pushing his way to the end of the row. 


Hanabusa mentioned the earthquake and tsunami, occurring at that very moment off the east coast of Japan, and added, "Hawaii will be the first state" to come under tsunami threat.


Harris rushed to the well of the House of Representatives.


Grabbing a cigarette from the mouth of Speaker John Boehner, Harris ran up to Representative Hanabusa, lit her little grass skirt on fire and announced,


"I move that statehood for Hawai'i be rescinded!"


"Don't you see? If Hawai'i is not a state, then whatever happens out there in the Pacific Ocean is not our concern." 


"We can and should implement the $400 million in cuts for tsunamis." 


"By the time a big wave get to California, it will be a little bitty wave!" 


"And even if it is still a biggie, it's gonna hit California, which is mostly Mexicans, anyway."


"The national anthem says nothing about islands. . .  At all!"


Harris sang ". . . 'from sea to shining sea. . . .' " and shouted, "That's it! Nothing about islands!"


House staffers rushed forward with fire extinguishers and members of both parties surrounded Harris, with many grabbing at his lapels and reaching for the mike. 


Andy Harris continued shouting, "Dont't you see? If Hawai'i isn't a state, then Obama is not a citizen even if he was born there, which he wasn't! 


"It all fits together!"


As he was led away by the Sargent at Arms, Harris continued to shout:


"It all fits together!"  




































"It all fits together."