HARRIS: CALCULATE SOCIAL SECURITY IN DOG YEARS

(Dissociated Press)  Congressman Andy Harris, back in his district during the current recess, called a press conference to announce that he will be proposing legislation requiring that Social Security calculations be in dog years.


"This is to me, the simplest solution," Harris stated. "This approach will break the deadlock in Washington by uniting dog lovers of all stripes, across party lines."


"Look. The GOP House of Representatives just passed the Ryan budget bill, which will remove millions of people from Medicare and give them a state government voucher instead, which is worth lots less than Medicare, right from the git." 


"No more Medicare. But what about Social Security? How can we eliminate that?" 


"The answer came to me in a cab ride, when I saw a dog whizzing at a hydrant. The dog looked sort-a old, but I realized it wasn't old at all in human years.  In dog years, yes, but not in human years."


"What if all employees are measured in dog years and not human years?"


"In dog years, we can extract seven times the deductions we can get in human years." 


"Doing this, the Social Security trust fund will see seven times more in employee contributions and we can totally eliminate employer contributions."


"Same thing with Social Security eligibility. No one qualifies for Social Security until they reach 455 year of age."


"It's a win-win. The workers get socked again, just like with our elimination of Medicare and the corporations get another free ride."


"Besides, this helps me with the Tea Party in my district. They think I am really a resident of Pennsylvania. Harrisburg." 



SOURCE:

The GOP-controlled House passed a budget which "would end Medicare as an open-ended entitlement for new retirees [. . .] Instead of getting government-paid benefits, retirees could choose a private policy on a newly established Medicare exchange."

[. . . ] "The GOP plan would end the financing partnership between the federal government and the states, replacing it with block grants that give states less money [. . .]."

"Tax cuts for corporations and other tax reforms would reduce the overall savings of the plan to $4.4 trillion."

See: House passes GOP budget plan for 2012 - The Washington Post

END

Andy Harris: looking for a few good men and women. Young ones, too.

(Dissociated Press) Back in his congressional district for the week, Andy Harris has put out an appeal to his constituents for help.


"I voted to defund Obamacare," Harris said in in interview, "and I expect my constituents to give me some cover. That is not asking too much."


"Is it?" 


Here is the prob.


March 23, is the anniversary of the date the Affordable Care Act was signed into law by President Obama. To commemorate the event, President Obama made a phone call to a young man who, thanks to the law, now is able to stay on his mother's health insurance after college. Eric is grateful, he told the President, for having health care coverage, which otherwise he could not afford.


Andy Harris asked his staff to find a few young adults in Maryland's First Congressional District who are willing to state publicly that they are happy to be losing health care coverage, thanks to Harris' vote.


Trouble is, the staffers have not been able to find a single young adult, who thinks getting tossed off their parents' health care insurance is a good idea for them, personally.


"I don't get it," Harris moaned. "I gave them that tea-party-type vote, even though it embarrassed me to ask for health care insurance from the federal government for my own family."


"Now, when it's time to stand up and be counted, everyone is missing in action. Makes you wonder."


"What's gonna happen when I vote to reduce Social Security benefits and Medicare, and against highway money for I-95 and against farm subsidies for First District farmers?" 












". . . What's gonna happen? . . . "