ANDY HARRIS' HEAD EXPLODED . . . HE'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT

(Dissociated Press) On May 16, Representative Andy Harris was meeting with a group of constituents when he was asked, 

"Can you comment on Newt Gingrich's statement on Meet the Press two days ago, that: the GOP medicare plan you voted for is "right-wing social engineering?"

Instead of answering the question, Andy Harris ran out into the parking lot where his head exploded.

Thanks to Harris' limousine health care plan, he's gonna be just fine.    

SOURCE: NBC: MEET THE PRESS

Gingrich: Paul Ryan' s plan is 'right-wing social engineering,' goes too far

[. . .]  

Gingrich distanced himself from the plan proposed by Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wis.) to turn Medicare into a voucher system: "I think that that is too big a jump." He called the plan "right-wing social engineering," which he considers not "any more desirable than left-wing social engineering."

http://view.ed4.net/v/HXJVEI/L2UEX/XTDUTF5/DY36T2/MAILACTION=1&FORMAT=H
Hosted Email

END

HARRIS: SEND WOMEN TO GITMO FOR MILITARY TRIALS

(Dissociated Press) In a speech on the House floor yesterday, Andy Harris volunteered the First District of Maryland for a GOP pilot project - outlaw poor women. 


"We have had to retreat from gutting middle class Medicare (See Source, below) but not poor people's Medicaid," Harris said, "so my proposal is both logical and doable." 


"We want to balance the budget by reducing services, right? So let's eliminate poverty by making it illegal to seek services without paying full freight."


"The poor are not real Americans or they would not be poor."


"Any poor woman who needs medical care is the same as a Commie, to me."


"Since we cannot get ride of the programs, let's eliminate the people causing the problem. Just make them illegal, turn them into criminals." 


"I propose we empower the sheriff to round up all of the women who receive services at the two Planned Parenthood clinics in my district, in Easton and Salisbury, and send these women to Guantanamo for trial. I hear there is room there." 




Source: progress@americanprogressaction.org
"On Thursday, House Ways and Means Committee Chairman Rep. Dave Camp (R-MI) told reporters that he was not planning on holding any hearings about Ryan's proposal. "I'm not really interested in just laying down more markers," said Camp, acknowledging that Ryan's plan to give "premium support" vouchers to future Medicare retirees was a non-starter.  (see also http:// /2011/05/05/health-care-repeal-dead-republican_n_858015.html?view=print )

END

HARRIS TO SEEK A REST CURE, NOT RETURN TO CONGRESS

(Dissociated Press) At one final, unannounced "town hall" event yesterday, Congressman Andy Harris burst into fits of uncontrollable laughter and was escorted away from the forum. Today, Harris is said to be "in seclusion."


"He's gonna need a rest cure, for sure, for sure" said a worried staffer, adding, "For sure."


The medical prob came to light when the Congressman was made to listen to complaints about his vote to end Medicare.


One speaker after another asked Harris to explain his vote. The Congressman stood in silence at first and then began to chuckle, and soon was laughing uncontrollably.


Here is a blow-by-blow:


Constituent #1: "The Ryan Budget that you voted for will no longer insure seniors' health needs directly as with Medicare. Instead seniors will get a voucher they can only use to buy private insurance. But the vouchers are designed so their value will not rise with the cost of medicine, prescription drugs and doctor visits. Why did you vote for that?"


Harris: Begins to grin, says nothing.


Constituent #2: "With the vouchers, seniors will have to spend more out of pocket, or else go without health care. How will seniors on fixed incomes manage under your system - go without food? Stop paying rent? Or just not see the doctor?" 


Harris: Grins broadly, but says nothing.


Constituent #3: "The Congressional Budget Office says private insurance companies are not as efficient as Medicare at curbing costs. (See Source 2, below) That means the Ryan plan will increase the cost of health care. Why did you vote for that?"


Harris: Laughs loudly, says nothing, and finally sits down, laughing without restraint.


Constituent #4: "The Ryan plan sends money to the states as block grants. So under Ryan, instead of having one uniform medical plan for seniors across the nation, there will be fifty different financing mechanisms. Why do you think that is preferable and cheaper than the Medicare we now have?" 


Harris: Begins to bray.


An aide shields Harris from the concerned and inquiring looks of his constituents. Meantime, Harris can still be heard laughing hysterically. At one point he falls to the floor and is helped to a sitting position by staffers.


An aide finally walks to the microphone while Harris can be heard guffawing backstage. 


The staffer announces that the event has ended and a voucher-doc has been called.


A staffer, speaking softly into a cell phone, inquires if the voucher-doc's insurance covers treatment for Kuru. (See Source, below.) 


The voucher-doc is heard to say, "That's not listed in the block grant." 


"Maybe your guy is just giggly." 


"If he's fee-for service, send him over. If not, we'll all have a good laugh."


(Source: Kuru "known among the Fore as the laughing sickness


due to the pathologic bursts of laughter people would display 


when afflicted . . . " Wikipedia)


(Source 2 - BOLD added: "The Congressional Budget Office, the nonpartisan arm of Congress,analyzed Ryan’s plan and estimated that by 2030, the government would pay just 32 percent of the health care costs, less than half of what the federal plan currently pays. The other 68 percent of the plan would have to be shouldered by the retiree. [The CBO estimated that if traditional Medicare stayed in place, the government would pay 70 to 75 percent of the costs.]

The CBO analysis also assumed that adding private insurance plans into the mix would raise administrative costs and would not keep medical inflation as low as traditional Medicare has done. 

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/fact-checker/post/gop-lawmakers-tout-medicare-reform-by-stretching-a-comparison-to-the-health-benefits-they-receive/2011/04/28/AFrRkM9E_blog.html 

END

HARRIS CONFIRMS 1957 DOB, APPEALS FOR CALM

(Dissociated Press) Andy Harris, who represents Maryland's First District in Congress voted for a bill that will deny Medicare benefits  to all of his constituents born after 1957. (See Source, below.)


Today Harris issued a statement confirming that he, himself, will qualify for Medicare, since he was born on January 25, 1957.

An informal survey of Ist District residents suggest there is a range of views among the voters.

"I doubt I will need Medicare, since my career plan is to win the lottery," said a fast food employee across the street from Harris' Bel Air office. 

"Harris voted to end Medicare for younger people but not older ones? Why did he do that? I was born in 1980. Why the age discrimination?" asked a women pushing  a stroller containing twins.

"Andy is a doctor, so I can see why he doesn't plan to need Medicare," said a man in a Salisbury, MD coffee shop. "But I haven't heard Andy Harris say he won't use the program, since he will be eligible - and I won't."

"What about the government's promises made to me when I first went to work?" asked a man standing in front of a Cockeysville, MD grocery. "I was born in 1960 and have been paying taxes for thirty-years. That sounds like a contract to me. Why would Harris want to take that back?" 

In his statement, Harris said:

"Consistent with my long standing policy of not taking responsibility for what I actually vote for, the bill we passed ignores the fact that life begins with conception."


"The pro-life bubies missed that one. I didn't."


"Everyone conceived in 1958 and born in 1959 ought to qualify. But if you were born in 1960 or later, you are S.O.O.L."


"I recommend they circulate a petition in Speaker Boehner's district and get this straightened out."

Source:

1. "House Passes Paul Ryan Budget Proposal in Partisan Vote," ABC News, April 15, 2011
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=207968&id=&id=27052-9342974-b2L5S4x&t=4

END

HARRIS: CALCULATE SOCIAL SECURITY IN DOG YEARS

(Dissociated Press)  Congressman Andy Harris, back in his district during the current recess, called a press conference to announce that he will be proposing legislation requiring that Social Security calculations be in dog years.


"This is to me, the simplest solution," Harris stated. "This approach will break the deadlock in Washington by uniting dog lovers of all stripes, across party lines."


"Look. The GOP House of Representatives just passed the Ryan budget bill, which will remove millions of people from Medicare and give them a state government voucher instead, which is worth lots less than Medicare, right from the git." 


"No more Medicare. But what about Social Security? How can we eliminate that?" 


"The answer came to me in a cab ride, when I saw a dog whizzing at a hydrant. The dog looked sort-a old, but I realized it wasn't old at all in human years.  In dog years, yes, but not in human years."


"What if all employees are measured in dog years and not human years?"


"In dog years, we can extract seven times the deductions we can get in human years." 


"Doing this, the Social Security trust fund will see seven times more in employee contributions and we can totally eliminate employer contributions."


"Same thing with Social Security eligibility. No one qualifies for Social Security until they reach 455 year of age."


"It's a win-win. The workers get socked again, just like with our elimination of Medicare and the corporations get another free ride."


"Besides, this helps me with the Tea Party in my district. They think I am really a resident of Pennsylvania. Harrisburg." 



SOURCE:

The GOP-controlled House passed a budget which "would end Medicare as an open-ended entitlement for new retirees [. . .] Instead of getting government-paid benefits, retirees could choose a private policy on a newly established Medicare exchange."

[. . . ] "The GOP plan would end the financing partnership between the federal government and the states, replacing it with block grants that give states less money [. . .]."

"Tax cuts for corporations and other tax reforms would reduce the overall savings of the plan to $4.4 trillion."

See: House passes GOP budget plan for 2012 - The Washington Post

END

Andy Harris: looking for a few good men and women. Young ones, too.

(Dissociated Press) Back in his congressional district for the week, Andy Harris has put out an appeal to his constituents for help.


"I voted to defund Obamacare," Harris said in in interview, "and I expect my constituents to give me some cover. That is not asking too much."


"Is it?" 


Here is the prob.


March 23, is the anniversary of the date the Affordable Care Act was signed into law by President Obama. To commemorate the event, President Obama made a phone call to a young man who, thanks to the law, now is able to stay on his mother's health insurance after college. Eric is grateful, he told the President, for having health care coverage, which otherwise he could not afford.


Andy Harris asked his staff to find a few young adults in Maryland's First Congressional District who are willing to state publicly that they are happy to be losing health care coverage, thanks to Harris' vote.


Trouble is, the staffers have not been able to find a single young adult, who thinks getting tossed off their parents' health care insurance is a good idea for them, personally.


"I don't get it," Harris moaned. "I gave them that tea-party-type vote, even though it embarrassed me to ask for health care insurance from the federal government for my own family."


"Now, when it's time to stand up and be counted, everyone is missing in action. Makes you wonder."


"What's gonna happen when I vote to reduce Social Security benefits and Medicare, and against highway money for I-95 and against farm subsidies for First District farmers?" 












". . . What's gonna happen? . . . "