"Somebody get this guy off me!"

(Dissociated Press) ANDY HARRIS RUSHES TO EMBRACE SENTOR KYL


Representative Andy Harris raced through the Capitol this morning,  from the House side to the Senate Side, where he barged past two Capitol policemen, ran up to Senator John Kyl, R-Az, and threw his arms around the astonished Senator.


Smaller in stature than the ample Arizona politician, Harris grabbed the Senator's by the leg and shouted, "I love you! You have saved us all!"


As two police-persons ran to aide the senator, Harris, still clinging to Kyl's leg, explained,


"This man has given us our banner, our slogan for 2012, our marching orders."


Twenty minutes later, Harris, ejected from the Senate, was lying on a cot in the outer office of Senator Paul of Kentucky. Waiting for a Paul-administered sedative to take full effect, Andy Harris had time to elaborate.


"The other day, right here in the Senate, the great John Kyl said, 90% of what Planned Parenthood does is abort babies. (Source #1, below)


"Everyone knows what Kyl said is just not true. Everyone."


"But making a false statement did not faze Kyl one bit!"


"It takes a true statesman to stick to a falsehood without apology and come up with the perfect excuse, which Kyl did." 


Rising on one elbow, Harris grinned and whispered, "Kyl said: 'my statements are not intended to be taken as factual.' " (Source #1, below)


"That masterstroke certainly applies to me."


"I campaigned on the pledge 'In Washington I will never vote to raise taxes.' " (Source #2 below)


"No one in their right mind would take me seriously on that. And of course I have already voted a tax increase by supporting the repeal of the 2010 health care reforms. If our bill had passed the Senate, we would be in a health care expenditure free fall right now."  


"What I meant when I said no new taxes is - no new taxes for the rich - but you can't come out and say something like that."


"Here's another one. Right after I took office, I said, ". . . Government should act as a partner, not a bully." (Source #3 below).


"What I meant when I said government ought not bully people is that it's OK for government to bully people I don't like."


"That's why I voted to completely defund Planned Parenthood and also to bar the District of Columbia from spending its own money as it sees fit." 


"I cant help it. I just don't like women or anyone who lives in DC." 


"But now, thanks to Senator Kyl, I can explain things quick and easy." Pointing a finger heavenward, Andy Harris crooned:


"NOTHING I SAY IS INTENDED TO BE FACTUAL"


"This is perfect," Harris said, as he drifted off to sleep.


"This is my new mantra. It's going on my letterhead."










SOURCE #1 John Kyl: my statements are not intended to be taken as factual



San Francisco Chronicle
SFGate
April 11, 2011
Bob Egelko


[ . . . ] Speaking on the Senate floor Friday in support of his party's proposal to cut off federal funds for family planning clinics, the Arizona Republican dismissed the notion that people go to Planned Parenthood for blood-pressure testing or other everyday medical services. "If you want an abortion, you go to Planned Parenthood, and that's well over 90 percent of what Planned Parenthood does," he said.


[ . . . ] Planned Parenthood's records show that only 3 percent of its funds are spent on abortions, compared to 35 percent each on contraception and sexually transmitted disease screening and treatment.


[ . . . ] CNN pointed out the statistics to Kyl's office, which released this statement: "His remark was not intended to be a factual statement


[ . . . ] I've called Kyl's office a number of times since Monday and gotten no response, which is too bad, because I wanted to ask how we could tell when one of his statements wasn't intended to be factual.


[ . . . ]


Read more: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/nov05election/detail?entry_id=86960#ixzz1JVqXuGk3
_____________________

Source #2 Andy Harris: In Washington I will never vote to raise taxes
http://www.andyharris.com/news/pr103010-2.html
_____________________

Source #3 Andy Harris: Government should act as a partner, not a bully
http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/opinion/oped/bs-ed-harris-20110117,0,2063832.story

END

Andy Harris, Placed in Ambulance, Leaps Out the Back

"Listening to Obama, I began to retch. My staff panicked. "


Calling a (Dissociated Press) reporter to the D.C. condo he shares with Marion Berry ("Marion's my role model - he always campaigns one way, and then goes and does the opposite") Representative Andy Harris was interviewed in the afternoon of April 13, 2011.


"I decided to listen to President Obama give his budget speech this afternoon," Harris said.


"I thought I could handle it but I was wrong," Harris said.


"When the President pointed out that GOP budget proposals cut both transportation and education by more than 20%, I started to throw up. I knew we couldn't come up with anything to counter that. 


"Then, when Obama pointed out that the income of the super wealthy had gone up hundreds of thousands of dollars each year while we Republicans still gave them tax cuts, I ran over to the waste basket and lost my lunch. Even the Tea Party crazoids can't deny that."


"And that's when my staff panicked and called 911."


"Embarrassing, being rolled out of the Cannon Building on a stretcher."


"Not as embarrassing as opposing health insurance for everyone else, while asking for federal health insurance for me, but still . . ."


"Since I wasn't really sick, I jumped out the back of the ambulance when we slowed down at Dupont Circle." 


"Lucky for me, there were couple homeless people just lying there and they broke my fall."


". . . I'm fine . . . thank goodness."




Source: Obama’s Speech on Reducing the Budget (Text); New York Times: 


". . . A 70% cut to clean energy. A 25% cut in education. A 30% cut in transportation. Cuts in college Pell Grants that will grow to more than $1,000 per year. That's what they're proposing . . ."


 . . . We cannot afford $1 trillion worth of tax cuts for every millionaire and billionaire in our society. And I refuse to renew them again."
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/04/14/us/politics/14obama-text.html

END

  

ANDY HARRIS THRILLED TO CUT MONEY HEADED FOR MD 1ST DISTRICT

(Dissociated Press) "Now, At last, We Are Getting Somewhere!!"




So ran the headline of a Release given to a Dissociated Press reporter on April 12, 2011. 


Personally handing out the release, Harris explained that, in a cost-saving gesture, there would be only one copy of the press release available. Harris asked if the Dissociated Press reporter would share the document with other interested reporters.


Sure.


The statement reads in toto:


"Your Congressman, Andrew Harris, MD-1, is proud to announce that funds intended for use in the District will be withheld."


"As a doctor (a gas passer, in case you have forgotten) I am especially proud to support a $504 million reduction in the Women, Infants and Children Nutrition Program."


"We on the Tea Party side have been shouting about the absurdity of spending tax dollars on nutrition for poor children and infants."


"Think about it! This will also solve obesity in kids, too - at least the poor ones." 


"The rich kids can work it off at Brick Boodies or some place. We in the Congress need to see to it that poor kids eat a lot less." 


"Now, with the kids out of the way, it will be easy to continue funding corporate farm subsidies in the Midwest and oil exploration allocations in the Gulf or wherever." 


"Oh, and we cut the EPA by $1.6 billion!" 


"And Homeland Security will lose $226 million!"


"We capped the TSA work force and cut FEMA first responder money by $786 million."


"And that's not all, folks."


"Community health centers are going to lose $600 million, and disease-prevention funding is cut by a billion dollars."


"As a doctor, I could not be more proud!"


"Think about it this way. If we don't identify diseases, we don't need to provide money to treat them. It's like the diseases don't even exist!" 


"All this means a lot of First District and Maryland jobs have just blown up! I could not be happier!"


"After defunding nutrition programs, the cut I am especially proud of is in federal highway money - down by $650 million."


"I just can't wait to travel - hopefully not by car - back to the Eastern Shore and suck up the love for that one."










SOURCE:


Six-month spending bill unveiled: What's cut and what's not - TheHill.com

END

HARRIS COMPARES TEA PARTY TO TALIBAN

(Dissociated Press) Speaking to a group of reporter in his congressional office at 6 AM Saturday morning,  a flushed Andy Harris announced that he was disappointed that his GOP colleagues in the House and Senate had agreed to keep the government open.


"We have missed a real opportunity here to drive home the point that women and women's health is a contradiction in terms."


"The Tea Party and the Taliban have a lot in common, which is a genuine disgust for feisty women."


"It is certainly not enough for me," Harris said, raising his voice,"that we defund abortion services. We have to completely defund organizations that provide health care to poor women."


"We have to be-head these groups!"


"Don't kid yourselves. That's why I came here to Washington." 


"This sort of literal cutting is a lot more important to me than overall reductions in the federal budget, which is why I have already voted to increase federal spending."


"Look at my record." 

"I am a co-sponsor of HB 217, legislation that will amend the Public Health Service Act to prohibit ANY federal family planning assistance."

"That means that women won't be able to get preventive medical care and will have to wait until they are sick and then have to go to an ER." 

"ER visits rather than preventive health care through an insurance plan will cost more money than the government spends now, but so what?"

"The whole point is to demean women."

"That is what I am about." 

"And don't forget my co-sponsorship of HB 358, the Protect Life Act. This bill prohibits federal funds from being used to cover ANY part of the costs of ANY health plan that includes coverage of abortion services."

"Of course, this provision, if we can get it passed into law, will also force women to the nearest ER, after they are too sick to work or take care of their kids - which is great!" 

"I am happy to cut the budget, except of course for subsidies for oil exploration and stuff like that, but I will live with increases in federal expenditures, like ER costs, so long as fewer programs are out there that offer preventive health care for women."

"I was really happy to vote to make rape a legal mode of conception, such as in HB 3, when it was introduced. I will be looking to make other changes in the criminal laws, in the months ahead."

"My message to women? Marry a rich guy, and do what he wants." 

END 

  

HARRIS TO DONATE HIS SHUTDOWN SALARY TO PLANNED PARENTHOOD

(Dissociated Press) Congressman Andy Harris has announced that he will donate his shutdown salary to a charity - Planned Parenthood.

In a statement first released from his office on April 1st Representative Harris stated,

"It is ridiculous to  defund an entire nation in order to bar funding for a single organization."

"I personally can see the difference between funding abortion services and funding other services for women's health."

"I regret my earlier vote to block funding for Planned Parenthood, since this group does not use any federal money for abortion services anyway. I don't know what I was thinking. Maybe my chair in the House is too close to Rep. Pence." 

I have asked the Sargent of Arms to re-locate me, if he can." 

"Finally, let me add this:

"April Fools!!

"Of course we ought to de-fund Planned Parenthood!"

"The only people this organization serves are poor women and who wants that!"

ANDY HARRIS: 'I JUST VOTED TO LOWER THE VALUE OF YOUR HOME. SORRY'

Andy Harris, walking arm-in-arm with a lobbyist for the banking industry, was stopped at 15th and New York by a (Dissociated Press) reporter, who asked the Congressman from Maryland's First Congressional District to confirm that Harris voted YES to defund the Home Affordable Modification Program. HARRIS: Why, yes, I did. That was HB 839. I am proud of that vote. ( Congress.org - Key Votes ) REPORTER: Isn't that the program that allows people who are under water to stay in their homes? HARRIS: No, that's the Obama socialist housing agenda that lets deadbeats off the hook. Now they get what they deserve, a boot in the backsides out of their homes. REPORTER: Did you vote to replace the program with anything? HARRIS: No. REPORTER: What happens to the homes that the banks put into foreclosure? HARRIS: They all go back into the housing market. REPORTER: Won't a glut of below-market homes suddenly coming on to the market lower housing prices for everyone in the First District and across the country? (NOTE: See Source, below.) HARRIS: . . . eh . . . REPORTER: Mr. Harris, Won't that lower housing prices for everyone? HARRIS: . . . Gotta go . . . REPORTER: Mr. Harris, what do you say to your constituents who have to sell their homes and discover they have lost value because of so many bank-owned homes on the market?  SOURCE: March 29, 2011 Washington, DC -- John Taylor, president & CEO of the National Community Reinvestment Coalition (NCRC) today made this statement about the anticipated House vote to terminate the Home Affordable Modification Program (HAMP): [. . .  ] Congress decision this week to eliminate HAMP does nothing but cause further agony to the millions of hard-working families who are on the brink of losing their homes. [. . .] Our government needs to stop tip-toeing around the housing crisis and start addressing it head-on with concrete, actionable solutions that lend a hand to the American people rather than providing yet another escape hatch for Wall Street. [. . .] The economy will never fully recover if the foreclosure crisis is not addressed in any real way.  [. . .] with nearly 11 million foreclosures starting us in the face, [. . .] attempts to stem the tide of foreclosures [. . .] don't begin to tackle the magnitude of the problem. http://www.communityinvestmentnetwork.org/nc/single-news-item-states/article/elimination-of-hamp-would-only-prolong-the-foreclosure-agony/?tx_ttnews%5BbackPid%5D=1684&type=98 Andy Harris - gotta go END

MESSAGE FROM ANDY HARRIS, APRIL 1ST

If you are going to report on my legislative record, get it right. You have not listed all of the bills which I am co-sponsoring. I am proud to report that many of these bills have nothing to do with fiscal matters and everything to do with federal involvement in the private lives of my constituents. I favor this sort of involvement, which is what being pro-life is all about.

I have co-sponsored  HB 217:

This bill will change Title X of the Abortion Provider Prohibition Act.

The effect of this bill will be to amend the Public Health Service Act to prohibit the Secretary of Health and Human Service (HHS) from providing ANY federal family planning assistance to ANY entity unless the entity certifies that, during the period of such assistance, the entity will NOT perform, and will NOT provide any funds to any other entity that performs, an abortion. 

This bill, as introduced, will not permit any entity who accepts federal money to use money from some other source, to provide abortion services.

I am also a co-sponsor of HB 358, the Protect Life Act. 

This bill amends the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act (PPACA).

This bill prohibits federal funds from being used to cover ANY part of the costs of ANY health plan that includes coverage of abortion services. 

The philosophy behind these bills is to prohibit abortion services from being paid for by non-federal funds and even by private funds.

While these two bills might be seen as unwarranted intrusions of federal power into how state or private money may be spent, this approach is in keeping with my personal philosophy of government.

My philosophy of government is simple:


Whatever conduct I don't like ought to be illegal.


People I don't like, such as obstetricians and their patients, ought to be treated like criminals.


That's it.


ANDY HARRIS
April 1, 2011

END