ANDY HARRIS - 'THESE GUYS ARE TOTALLY GAY FOR ME'

(DISSOCIAED PRESS) In a spontaneous display of affection from lobbyists, Rep. Andy Harris, MD, was carried along K Street this morning, on the shoulders of a dozen or so gleeful white males. 


Shouting "Andy! Andy!" the grinning crowd put Andy down only after he pleaded that he could not be late for a breakfast appointment with the NRA's Wayne LaPiere and Archbishop Donald Wuerl.  


"These guys are totally gay for me," Harris told a reporter, as he was gently placed on the sidewalk. 


"Totally. I can't wait to get to the Capitol and give back some of the love."


A reporter button-holed one of the sweaty, ecstatic members of the exuberant crowd.


"This was just spontaneous," the young man gasped.

"We have never had anyone so automatically with us as Andy Harris."


"He will co-sponsor anything we ask him to. And I mean anything!"


"Andy just comes to our agenda automatically. When one of us goes by his office, he drops everything and says, 'Where do I sign?' "


"He says YES to one of us quicker than Cardinal Regali says NO to the Philly DA."


"Andy is perfect for us. He doesn't sponsor anything. This means he is no leader and won't act on any lame-brained ideas of his own."


"But he'll sign on to everyone else's lame ideas. Perfect!"


Who loves Andy? Anyone and everyone who is:


-  opposed to abortion (1)
- opposed to gun control (2)
- opposed to wage standards (3)
- opposed to Spanish-speakers (4)
- opposed to health care reform (5)
- opposed to environmental regulations (6)
- opposed to an FCC return to the fairness doctrine (7)














BILLS ANDY HARRIS IS SPONSORING - ZERO




BILLS ANDY HARRIS IS CO-SPONSORING 
(Tracking credit to Win-Da-Doc, Wind Damage Done over Congress, LLC):


1. ANDY HARRIS IS SO OPPOSED TO ABORTION, HE IS IN FAVOR OF INCREASING TAXES AND, MAYBE, CLONING


HR 374 - defines human life as beginning at fertilization or cloning


HR 361 - would require any medical entity to hire a health care professional, who refuses to participate in "abortion- related activities;" would permit a cause of action against any such entity who discriminates; would permit a court to bar federal funding as a form of relief


HR 3 - would deny tax credits to companies that offer health plans that cover abortion; would block federal subsidies to anyone whose insurance covers abortion, even if that portion of the insurance is paid for separately with personal funds 


2. ANDY HARRIS IS SO OPPOSED TO GUN CONTROL, HE NO LONGER FAVORS STATES' RIGHTS AND IS EVEN AGAINST LOCAL GOVERNMENTS CONTROLLING THEIR OWN AFFAIRS:


HR 822 - would permit non-residents of a state to carry concealed weapons in any state (as in Baltimore, Maryland, which bars concealed weapons but where, in 2010, a Virginia man entered Hopkins Hospital with a concealed weapon, shot a doctor, shot and killed his own mother in her hospital bed and shot and killed himself) 


HR 645 - would block the government of the District of Columbia from banning firearms in DC, and repeals ban on automatic weapons, and DC requirement that weapons dealers inventory ammunition received or sold  


3. ANDY HARRIS IS SO OPPOSED TO WAGE INCREASES, HE WOULD ABOLISH FEDERAL WAGE RATES AND STANDARDS:


HR 745 - would abolish federal wage rate requirements


HR 735 - would abolish federal contracting for union-only construction projects


4. ANDY HARRIS IS SO OPPOSED TO NON-ENGLISH SPEAKERS HE  WOULD REQUIRE THE GOVERNMENT TO ESTABLISH A "UNIFORM ENGLISH LANGUAGE RULE" . . . WHATEVER THAT IS . . . HUN


HR 997 - would "declare English as the official language of the United States, to establish a uniform English language rule for naturalization, and to avoid misconstructions of the English language texts of the laws of the United States" 


(Este preyecto de ley es una pendejada.)


5. ANDY HARRIS IS SO OPPOSED TO HEALTH-CARE REFORM HE SEES NO CONFLICT OF INTEREST IN VOTING FOR HIS OWN FINANCIAL AND BUSINESS INTERESTS:


HR 984 - would permit health care coverage opt out merely by asserting that costs might go up


HR 605 - would require federal government to pay for non-Rx drugs 


Dissociated Press Reporter: How does HR 605 help reduce the federal deficit? 
Andy Harris: "don't know, don't care"


HR 5 - would impose a time limit on lawsuits for an injury caused by medical service, goods, or products; would limit punitive damages and attorney fees; would bar recovery by a secondary source, who has paid the injured party.


6. ANDY HARRIS IS SO OPPOSED TO ENVIRONMENTAL REGS HE DISFAVORS ENVIRONMENTAL IMPACT STUDIES AND FAVORS GREEN HOUSE GASES: 


HR 1049 - would require annual agency reporting to Congress when a permit has not been issued because an environmental impact study has not been conducted 


HR 750 - would ban federal regulations intended to mitigate green house gas dangers


7. ANDY HARRIS IS SO IN LOVE WITH FOX COMMUNICATIONS, HE IS OPPOSED TO THE FAIRNESS DOCTRINE - EVER COMING BACK


HR 642 - would bar the FCC from requiring broadcasters to provide opposing views on controversial issues of public importance 

END